Parallel Universes

Lost Fans Clash 
With Tea Party Activists

Fight Over Whether Obama’s Birth 
Certificate Was On The Island

Richieville News Service – CHARLOTTE, NC
What began as a heated discussion in a downtown bar grew into a violent street brawl  as hundreds of fans of the now-ended TV series Lost faced off with members of local Tea Party organizations. The disagreement apparently was sparked by conflicting parallel universe theories held by the two groups, including  whether the phrase “moving on,” used by characters in the series finale, referred to a multi-faith afterlife or was in fact a subliminal plug for the liberal activist group, MoveOn.
“They started it,” claimed Thomas Hobbes, who said he had been attending a Lost viewing party at J.J. Rousseau’s, a local cajun-style bar and eatery.  A number of Tea Party adherents were there at the same time, reportedly to discuss the ways in which health care reform is not constitutional.  According to eyewitnesses, the two groups quickly found that their alternate views of reality were not compatible.
“Someone asked where the series was shot and we told them Hawaii,” Mr. Hobbes told this reporter. “So then this Tea Party guy said that President Obama wasn’t born in Hawaii. So we told them that was nuts. So then he said that it was nuts to think that the island could be moved in space and time just by turning a donkey wheel at the island’s base. So we said what was really nuts was thinking that the federal government couldn’t outlaw discrimination in private enterprise. That really ticked them off.”
According to Sergeant Voltaire of the Charlotte Police Department, the argument quickly spread into the street where the opposing sides hurled insults and the occasional beer bottle at each other.  
“The Lost fans got pretty steamed when the Tea Party crowd claimed the crash survivors had been dead all along,” Sgt. Voltaire said. “But then Lost fans said that Social Security doesn’t violate the Tenth Amendment and the Tea Party group really went off the deep end. That’s when we called for reinforcements.”
According to the police, in spite of the hours-long standoff there were few reported injuries.  “We were lucky,” said Sgt. Voltaire. “Imagine if they had been fans of 24.”

For more Richieville humor, read the comic sci-fi novel, Rate Me Red.

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