Category Archives: Tea Party

Those Were The Days

2 Replies
Tea Party, Amish, Hasids To Meet, 
Choose Favorite Era Of Distant Past  

A planning meeting for the conference.

Richieville News Service – NEW YORK CITY

Leaders of groups representing the U.S. Tea Party movement, the Amish people of Pennsylvania, and several Hasidic congregations of Brooklyn have agreed to meet next month with the aim of choosing a  common favorite period from the distant past.    
“For decades conservatives have wanted to go back to the 1950’s, when discrimination was legal, women knew their place and there were no gay people,” said  Herbert Sowerberry, a spokesman for the Tea Party movement. “But that’s not far enough. We believe what this country needs is to go back even further, to the  good old days when most people were illiterate and the nearest government was a day’s ride away by horseback. So we looked around to see who had the most experience rejecting modern life.”

Of his group’s proposed alliance with ultra-orthodox Jewish sects, Mr. Sowerberry said,  “It’s simple. We want to return to the agrarian economy of America around 1790. The Hasids want to remain as they were in Poland around 1730. I admit there are some differences, but the main thing is we both want to live in an idealized version of the past.”

At the conference, to be held at Colonial Williamsburg, Virginia, the Tea Party and the Hasids will be joined by a regiment of Civil War re-enactors, a Stone Age tribe from New Guinea and the employees of the Renaissance Faire of Tuxedo Park, N.Y.  The groups must also find a way to accommodate the Amish, a branch of the Mennonite Church who have forsworn electricity and other modern inventions in favor of the  peasant lifestyle of late-17th Century Switzerland. 

The Tea Party leader emphasized that all the groups want a society based on religious values, and merely had to decide which religion that should be. He also said that the Taliban, which desires to live as the followers of the prophet Muhammad did in Seventh Century Arabia, initially applied to be part of the conference but their participation was canceled because of the likelihood that they would try to kill everyone else in attendance.

“We’re still working out the details,” Mr. Sowerberry said of the planned Utopia.  “We really don’t want to give up electricity, but we might be willing to trade that if the other groups will adopt English as their official language. However, there are two things we will not compromise on – small government and a working post office so our members can get their Social Security checks. Plus those Renaissance Faire people can forget about it, because I am not wearing tights.”

For more Richieville humor, read the comic sci-fi novel, Rate Me Red.

All The Rage

Leave a reply
Tea Partiers Buy Guns
To Defend Chicago Gun Law
Oppose Supreme Court “Nazis”

  
Symbols of the armed, pro-gun law movement.

Richieville News Service – CHICAGO
In a surprising turn of events, an Illinois Tea Party group protested the recent Supreme Court decision  overturning a Chicago gun control law. The group  said the decision was a dictatorial infringement of states rights and they planned to defend the gun ban with  armed force if necessary.

“Real Americans must stand up against the spreading tentacles of federal power,” said Pat Veneering, who described himself as a leader of the group, the Oak Park Tea Patriots. “The Supreme Court has no right to say that local governments have no right to say that we can’t buy guns which is why we are buying guns to protest this Fascist infringement of our right to prevent ourselves from buying guns.”

Standing in front of  an Applebee’s restaurant, Mr. Veneering used a bullhorn to speak to  a small group of supporters while wearing a giant tea bag on his head. “First Washington rams health care down our throats and now this! Well, you can tell those Commie Nazis on the Supreme Court that they can have my right to nullification when they pry it out of my cold, dead hands.”

The rally came to an abrupt halt with the arrival of a second tea party group, the Oak Park Liberty Tea Party Patriots, who, unaware of the Supreme Court decision, had planned to enter the  Applebee’s carrying loaded handguns in protest of the now-overturned law, which banned handguns. 

“The Second Amendment gives us the right to carry loaded guns anywhere we want,” yelled one member of the newly-arrived group. To which Mr. Veneering responded, “The Tenth Amendment gives us the right to ignore the federal government.” The two armed groups briefly engaged in a  tense shouting match which was finally resolved with the compromise of  alternating slogans every five minutes. 

“It’s simple,” Mr. Veneering explained, “unlike some socialist humanist liberal Nazis, we believe in the Constitution. Now you’ll have to excuse me – I’m late for a rally to repeal the 14th Amendment.”
For more Richieville humor, read the comic sci-fi novel, Rate Me Red.