Waiting for the invisible hand of the market.

Richieville News Service – WASHINGTON, D.C.

Researchers at a conservative think tank released a study today which they say proves conclusively that the main cause of unemployment is the existence of the unemployed. 

“Just think about it,” said Professor Milton Bradley, of the University of Chicago’s Department of Metaphysical Market Relations. “How can you have unemployment without the unemployed? The two go hand-in-hand. If the unemployed would just stop being unemployed, then unemployment would vanish.”

The paper seemed to substantiate the position of several leading Republicans including Nevada GOP Senate candidate Sharron Angle and Pennsylvania’s Lt. Governor Tom Corbett who said recently that, “the jobs are there, but if we keep extending unemployment, people are just going to sit there.”

The researchers also found that sick people are responsible for the high cost of high health care and that children are putting a drain on the nation’s educational system. “In each of these cases government should stop trying to intervene and let the invisible hand of the market take care of the problem,” Professor Bradley said. “There’s no incentive to work when you can sit back, spend your retirement savings, move into your car and live on dog food.”