Richieville News Service  – WASHINGTON D.C.

Using new computer algorithms that can successfully extrapolate current voting trends, several polling organizations have reached the same startling conclusion – not only will the Republican Party still be in existence in the year 2048, but its nominee, a married, gay black woman, will be elected President. However, the pollsters noted that her election would not be a historic first, since by that time voters will have sent a Democratic woman, a Democratic married gay man and a Democratic Hispanic transsexual to  the White House.

“This is not very surprising,” said Nate Gold, a pollster from the site, DiviNation.com. “It follows the historic pattern. About thirty years after the Republicans oppose equal rights for a group, they start nominating them for office. So by 2044, they’ll have caught up on married gays.”

Mr. Gold pointed to the  current group of Republican women candidates, including Meg Whitman, Carly Fiorina and Nikki Haley as evidence of the Republican tendency to lag three decades behind the rest of the country. “The Democrats nominated a woman for Vice President in 1984 and the Republicans did it in 2008,” he said. “So we can expect them to nominate an African American sometime around 2036. Since Democrats are just coming around on gay marriage, look for the GOP to make the transition around the middle of this century.”

Mr. Gold said it was impossible to predict if the media at that time will be full of  stories congratulating the Republicans for finally doing what the Democrats have done for years. “Well, it will be 2048, so we don’t really know if people will be getting news by hologram, ESP or broadband brain implants,” he said.  “But the chances are pretty good that whatever the media, the message will be just as moronic as it is today.”