Category Archives: Middle East

Identity Crisis

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Obama Or Osama?

Amazingly, People Of The Middle East
Have No Trouble Telling Them Apart
Somehow Afghan President Hamid Karzai knew this wasn’t Osama Bin Laden.

Richieville News Service – KABUL, AFGHANISTAN
The surprising results of a new poll released today show that the people of the Middle East, unlike some Americans, have absolutely no trouble distinguishing between Democratic presidential candidate Barack Obama and the al-Qaida terrorist mastermind, Osama bin Laden. Close to 100 percent of adults in Afghanistan, Iraq and Jordan seem to be able to grasp that the two men, although having somewhat similar names, are actually different people. In fact, by an overwhelming margin, those contacted for the poll seemed perplexed by the question.
A typical response was that of Abdoul Kabir, a street vendor in Kabul, who said, in English, “What are you, some kind of moron?” Standing nearby, his cousin, Farouk Nejrabi, nodded in agreement. “Everyone knows Barack Obama is a Christian,” he said. “You ever hear of Reverend Wright? From his church? Like, duh!”
Their sentiments were echoed elsewhere in the region. In Jordan, where Senator Obama recently met with King Abdullah, the vast majority believe that there is a significant difference between the ruthless leader of international jihad and the junior senator from Illinois. Furthermore, a random sampling of opinion indicated that no one had the slightest difficulty in telling them apart.
“Osama bin Laden is a terrorist,” Mohammed al-Tabba explained patiently, while sitting at the wheel of his taxi in Amman. “Barack Obama was a community organizer on the south side of Chicago. Now do you get it?”
When pressed, Mr. al-Tabba admitted that Senator Obama’s last name and Mr. bin-Laden’s first name are pretty similar. Still, he maintained that any fairly intelligent person could avoid mixing them up. “Look, ” he pointed out with just a trace of exasperation. “You had two presidents named George Bush. Do you have trouble telling them apart?”
It is not clear why the people of the troubled region do not suffer from the same confusion as many Americans. But Mr. al-Tabba had a theory. “You know, people here have suffered through war and civil war and invasion and civil disorder and poverty, but we have one big advantage over the people of the United States. We don’t get Fox News.”

Appeaser-Ashmeaser

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Israel Talks To Syria

Loses Jewish Vote
Israel fears another address by President Bush.

Richieville News Service – BOYNTON BEACH, FL
  In retirement communities and delicatessens across this state, Jewish voters expressed grave reservations over the news of Israel’s peace talks with Syria. The outpouring of criticism  raised the possibility that Israel might be losing the support of one of its core constituencies, Jews.
“They’re talking to terrorists!” said Bernie Kupferstein, 74, as he leaned on his shuffleboard stick at the Aberdeen Country Club. “I can’t believe Israel would betray Israel like that.”
At Izzie’s Genuine New York Deli, in Boca Raton, Shirley Goldenfarb, 83, shared Mr. Kuperferstein’s sentiments. “It seems like Israel doesn’t have Israel’s interests at heart,” she said, vigorously waving her bagel with a schmear. “And to think of all the trees I paid for over there. Appeasers! Feh!”
Maury Lefkowitz, 91, nodded in agreement. “I heard that Turbowitz is a Muslim,” he said, grimacing over his plate of cheese blintzes, “like Obama.”He was referring to Yoram Turbowitz, one Israel’s chief negotiators in the talks. Mr. Turbowitz is Jewish. Senator Barack Obama is a Christian.
The reaction was much the same across Florida, where elderly Jews, usually stalwart supporters of the Jewish state, echoed the words of President Bush, who just last week made a speech to the Israeli parliament, comparing those who would talk to “terrorists and radicals” to the politicians who appeased Hitler before World War II. It is now clear that Mr. Bush knew of the peace talks at that time.
At Century Village, Fanny Glembotski, 98, was so distraught over the idea of negotiating with the government of Syrian President Bashar al-Assad, she could hardly concentrate on her cards as she played casino with her friend, Goldie Mintz, 103.
“Turgeman is an Arab,” she stated with assurance. “Everyone at the synagogue says so.” She was referring to Shalom Turgeman, foreign policy advisor to Israeli prime minister Ehud Olmert.
“And Olmert is a Palestinian,” added Mrs. Mintz.
Sheila Blumenstein, 114, disagreed with Mrs. Mintz. “Don’t be stupid, Olmert’s not a Palestinian,” she said emphatically. “He’s friends with that Reverend Wright.”
“You don’t say?” replied Mrs. Mintz. “It figures.”
Both Mr. Turgeman and Mr. Olmert are Jewish and neither has any association with Reverend Jeremiah Wright.
In Jerusalem, members of Mr. Olmert’s government braced themselves for the inevitable onslaught of criticism not just from Jewish senior citizens but from the Bush administration, which had actively opposed any contacts with Syria.
“We know we let down George Bush and John McCain,” said one high level Israeli government official, speaking off the record. “And we know they’re both going to make major speeches attacking us. And what about Fox News? They’re going to eviscerate us, every hour on the hour, 24/7. But what can we do? We’re just weak.”
The official expressed confidence that Jews would eventually come around to supporting Israel, but for the time being, Mrs. Blumenstein and her friends were having none of it.
“And that appeaser Lieberman, he goes to the same church as Farrakhan,” she insisted. When told that Louis Farrakhan, leader of the Nation of Islam, does not attend a church and that he has no ties with Senator Joseph Lieberman, who is Jewish, she was genuinely surprised.
“Really?” said Mrs. Blumenstein, who turned 115 during the writing of this report, “he doesn’t look Jewish.”