Category Archives: global warming

Oh, No!

Leave a reply

GOP Solves Gas Crisis

New Cars To Run On Fear

GOP leaders promise no more worries about gas prices. 
Richieville News Service – WASHINGTON, D.C.
Republican Congressional leaders today proudly revealed a new automotive technology they promised would solve the country’s growing oil and gas crisis. The new cars run on what the GOP leaders say is a constantly renewable energy source – human fear. 
“We realized we had an incredible untapped energy source,” said House minority leader John Boehner at a news conference here. “We have found fear to be very reliable, cheap and easy to generate. Oh, and it does not contribute to global warming.”
The new fear-powered cars, dubbed, “angst-mobiles,”will be able to draw on the energy generated when drivers and passengers experience strong feelings of distrust, apprehension and anxiety. The greater the number of terrified occupants, the faster the cars will go, finally giving motorists an inducement to car pool. Rep. Boehner said that fear-producing stimuli are readily available in the news media and that his party stood ready to make up any deficit that occurred.
“Terrorism, immigrants, gay marriage, fist bumps – the list of fear energy sources is endless,” he explained, standing by a mock-up of one of the new vehicles. “And if people relax too much to make the cars move, we’ll just raise the terror alert level. That always works.”
“Now Americans can now stop worrying about gas prices,” Mr. Boehner concluded. “And start worrying about everything else.”

Al Gore Incites God’s Wrath

Leave a reply

Global Warming God’s Punishment 

For Climate Change Theory

     
Did Al Gore cause global warming?

Richieville News Service – IOWA CITY, IA
The deadly tornadoes that have swept through the Midwest in recent weeks are God’s vengeance for the, “secular humanist theory of climate change,” according to Rev. Don. Druckee, pastor of the 24,000 member World of Christ megachurch here. The evangelical minister said the widespread belief that human beings could change the Earth’s climate had angered the supreme deity, who was now expressing his wrath by raising global temperatures an average of 0.84 degrees Celsius. 
“God created the world and its climate,” the Rev. Druckee said, speaking before the National Association of The World O’God Churches. “The idea that mere humans could alter God’s climate is not only arrogant but sinful. That is why God is melting the polar ice caps and turning Kansas into a desert – to punish us for believing in global warming.”
Rev. Druckee said that this punishment was similar to previous punishments the supreme being has meted out to the United States, including the destruction of New Orleans, the terrorist attack of September 11, the HIV/AIDS virus and the plague of serpents falling from the sky Mr. Druckee has predicted for August 27, 2009, 3:14 PM Eastern Standard Time. 
The outspoken minister did not deny that climate change is indeed occurring, and creating the extreme weather like the tornadoes that recently ravaged this state. However, he said the cause of the change was not carbon emissions from fossil fuels, but the blasphemy of liberals, gays and atheists like Al Gore. 
“Did anybody notice any global warming until Al Gore started going around talking about it all the time?” he demanded, to thunderous applause. “He just got God mad, boiling mad.” 
Although his address was filled with fire and brimstone, the Christian fundamentalist did end on a more hopeful note. If Americans would renounce the, “false prophet,” of climate change, then, Rev. Druckee promised, God would relent and end global warming. 
“It’s simple,” he said in closing. “If you want to end global warming, all you have to do is stop believing in it.”