Category Archives: Al Gore

Al Gore Incites God’s Wrath

Leave a reply

Global Warming God’s Punishment 

For Climate Change Theory

     
Did Al Gore cause global warming?

Richieville News Service – IOWA CITY, IA
The deadly tornadoes that have swept through the Midwest in recent weeks are God’s vengeance for the, “secular humanist theory of climate change,” according to Rev. Don. Druckee, pastor of the 24,000 member World of Christ megachurch here. The evangelical minister said the widespread belief that human beings could change the Earth’s climate had angered the supreme deity, who was now expressing his wrath by raising global temperatures an average of 0.84 degrees Celsius. 
“God created the world and its climate,” the Rev. Druckee said, speaking before the National Association of The World O’God Churches. “The idea that mere humans could alter God’s climate is not only arrogant but sinful. That is why God is melting the polar ice caps and turning Kansas into a desert – to punish us for believing in global warming.”
Rev. Druckee said that this punishment was similar to previous punishments the supreme being has meted out to the United States, including the destruction of New Orleans, the terrorist attack of September 11, the HIV/AIDS virus and the plague of serpents falling from the sky Mr. Druckee has predicted for August 27, 2009, 3:14 PM Eastern Standard Time. 
The outspoken minister did not deny that climate change is indeed occurring, and creating the extreme weather like the tornadoes that recently ravaged this state. However, he said the cause of the change was not carbon emissions from fossil fuels, but the blasphemy of liberals, gays and atheists like Al Gore. 
“Did anybody notice any global warming until Al Gore started going around talking about it all the time?” he demanded, to thunderous applause. “He just got God mad, boiling mad.” 
Although his address was filled with fire and brimstone, the Christian fundamentalist did end on a more hopeful note. If Americans would renounce the, “false prophet,” of climate change, then, Rev. Druckee promised, God would relent and end global warming. 
“It’s simple,” he said in closing. “If you want to end global warming, all you have to do is stop believing in it.” 

Eyes On The Prize

Leave a reply

Bush, Seeking Peace in Mideast

Threatens War With Sweden

President Bush issued a called for peace, “somewhere, anywhere.”
Richieville News Service – JERUSALEM
With the clock ticking on his presidency and frustrated with the slow pace of Mideast peace negotiations, President George Bush today threatened to invade Sweden if he was not immediately awarded the Nobel Prize.
“I’m a peace maker,” he said, speaking to reporters here on the first leg of his five-day, three-country Middle East trip. “Peace makers make peace. That’s what they do. And then they get one of those noble prizes on account of how noble they been. Well, where’s my prize?”
Mr. Bush went on to say that he had already brought peace, democracy and freedom to Iraq. “That alone ought to get me a prize. I mean, Al Gore got one just for a stupid slide show. Plus, climate change wasn’t even real when he made that thing. It was just a lucky guess. I tell you, if the Supreme Court gave out these noble prizes, I’d have about six of ’em by now.”
The President expressed his displeasure with the fact that chances for a quick peace accord seem dim. “When I was here back in January, I told you people that there was going to be peace before I left office in 2009. Well, what about it? It just don’t seem like anyone has been doing anything to make that happen. Don’t you people have any consideration for me? Don’t you know I’m the President?”
Mr. Bush dismissed the recent fighting in Lebanon, the worst in decades, as inconsequential. “Birth pangs of democracy,” he said, in a folksy twang. “That’s what you get when you give birth. You get pangs. You give birth, then you get pangs. Birth – pangs. You see what I’m talking about?”
He then repeated his intention of launching a military attack on Sweden. “They got my prize and if they don’t send it over, well, we’re just going to have to go get it. And if those peaceniks try to resist, I say, ‘Bring it on.'” A reporter pointed out that an attack on Sweden might be futile since the Nobel Peace Prize is awarded in the neighboring country of Norway. 
“Sweden, Norway, Sunni, Shia – whatever,” the President shrugged. “As long as I get to bring that trophy back to my ranch.” He then concluded with an impassioned call for peace. “I gotta have peace somewhere, anywhere, and I only got seven more months to get it. You people better get your act together. That’s not asking too much, is it? All I am saying, is give me a chance!”