Eyes On The Prize

Bush, Seeking Peace in Mideast

Threatens War With Sweden

President Bush issued a called for peace, “somewhere, anywhere.”
Richieville News Service – JERUSALEM
With the clock ticking on his presidency and frustrated with the slow pace of Mideast peace negotiations, President George Bush today threatened to invade Sweden if he was not immediately awarded the Nobel Prize.
“I’m a peace maker,” he said, speaking to reporters here on the first leg of his five-day, three-country Middle East trip. “Peace makers make peace. That’s what they do. And then they get one of those noble prizes on account of how noble they been. Well, where’s my prize?”
Mr. Bush went on to say that he had already brought peace, democracy and freedom to Iraq. “That alone ought to get me a prize. I mean, Al Gore got one just for a stupid slide show. Plus, climate change wasn’t even real when he made that thing. It was just a lucky guess. I tell you, if the Supreme Court gave out these noble prizes, I’d have about six of ’em by now.”
The President expressed his displeasure with the fact that chances for a quick peace accord seem dim. “When I was here back in January, I told you people that there was going to be peace before I left office in 2009. Well, what about it? It just don’t seem like anyone has been doing anything to make that happen. Don’t you people have any consideration for me? Don’t you know I’m the President?”
Mr. Bush dismissed the recent fighting in Lebanon, the worst in decades, as inconsequential. “Birth pangs of democracy,” he said, in a folksy twang. “That’s what you get when you give birth. You get pangs. You give birth, then you get pangs. Birth – pangs. You see what I’m talking about?”
He then repeated his intention of launching a military attack on Sweden. “They got my prize and if they don’t send it over, well, we’re just going to have to go get it. And if those peaceniks try to resist, I say, ‘Bring it on.'” A reporter pointed out that an attack on Sweden might be futile since the Nobel Peace Prize is awarded in the neighboring country of Norway
“Sweden, Norway, Sunni, Shia – whatever,” the President shrugged. “As long as I get to bring that trophy back to my ranch.” He then concluded with an impassioned call for peace. “I gotta have peace somewhere, anywhere, and I only got seven more months to get it. You people better get your act together. That’s not asking too much, is it? All I am saying, is give me a chance!”

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