Editorial

FIRE! FLOOD! FOOD RIOTS!

Time For A Rate Hike, Tax Cut Or Both?

Food rioters in Bangladesh want Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke to consider a rate hike – or food.
In light of the unusual and extreme weather being experienced throughout the U.S., such as the recent HISTORIC FLOOD LEVELS plaguing the Midwest, we find ourselves wondering if it isn’t time for Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke to to consider raising interest rates. It is true that in response to the MILLIONS OF HOME FORECLOSURES and fears of a TOTAL BANKING COLLAPSE, the Fed recently lowered its key funds rate to two percent. This seems to have stabilized investor confidence, at least for the time being. Yet with OIL AT $150 A BARREL, international FOOD SHORTAGES, fears of INFLATIONARY SPIRALS and RIOTS! RIOTS EVERYWHERE!!! we think it prudent to revisit the idea of a rate hike at this time.
Naturally, any changes in the key funds rate would have to be balanced with concerns about distortions in the commodities market brought on by accusations of RAMPANT SPECULATION along with the impact of DEADLY TORNADOES, WATER SPOUTS and WILDFIRES! WILDFIRES! WILDFIRES!!! There is the distinct possibility that these might weaken the economic outlook along with DROUGHT, CROP FAILURES and KILLER TOMATOES! YES, TOMATOES!! That’s why we also strongly back the idea of a new round of tax cuts to stimulate the ECONOMY IN FREEFALL! RISING UNEMPLOYMENT! GAS PRICES! AND DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THE KILLER TOMATOES?? It goes without saying that any tax cut must be weighed against the FREAK HEAT WAVES IN JUNE, POWER SHORTAGES, FLOODS OF BIBLICAL PROPORTIONS! HAIL THE SIZE OF BOWLING BALLS! STARVATION! PESTILENCE! FAMINE! WAR!
We expect Chairman Bernanke to move expeditiously and THE FOUR HORSEMEN OF THE APOCALYPSE! We are confident that if DEATH! DOOM! DESTRUCTION! then market forces will go to work and make the necessary corrections ensuring a soft landing some time in DON’T FORGET THE KILLER TOMATOES!!!

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