Category Archives: Israel

Appeaser-Ashmeaser

Israel Talks To Syria

Loses Jewish Vote
Israel fears another address by President Bush.

Richieville News Service – BOYNTON BEACH, FL
  In retirement communities and delicatessens across this state, Jewish voters expressed grave reservations over the news of Israel’s peace talks with Syria. The outpouring of criticism  raised the possibility that Israel might be losing the support of one of its core constituencies, Jews.
“They’re talking to terrorists!” said Bernie Kupferstein, 74, as he leaned on his shuffleboard stick at the Aberdeen Country Club. “I can’t believe Israel would betray Israel like that.”
At Izzie’s Genuine New York Deli, in Boca Raton, Shirley Goldenfarb, 83, shared Mr. Kuperferstein’s sentiments. “It seems like Israel doesn’t have Israel’s interests at heart,” she said, vigorously waving her bagel with a schmear. “And to think of all the trees I paid for over there. Appeasers! Feh!”
Maury Lefkowitz, 91, nodded in agreement. “I heard that Turbowitz is a Muslim,” he said, grimacing over his plate of cheese blintzes, “like Obama.”He was referring to Yoram Turbowitz, one Israel’s chief negotiators in the talks. Mr. Turbowitz is Jewish. Senator Barack Obama is a Christian.
The reaction was much the same across Florida, where elderly Jews, usually stalwart supporters of the Jewish state, echoed the words of President Bush, who just last week made a speech to the Israeli parliament, comparing those who would talk to “terrorists and radicals” to the politicians who appeased Hitler before World War II. It is now clear that Mr. Bush knew of the peace talks at that time.
At Century Village, Fanny Glembotski, 98, was so distraught over the idea of negotiating with the government of Syrian President Bashar al-Assad, she could hardly concentrate on her cards as she played casino with her friend, Goldie Mintz, 103.
“Turgeman is an Arab,” she stated with assurance. “Everyone at the synagogue says so.” She was referring to Shalom Turgeman, foreign policy advisor to Israeli prime minister Ehud Olmert.
“And Olmert is a Palestinian,” added Mrs. Mintz.
Sheila Blumenstein, 114, disagreed with Mrs. Mintz. “Don’t be stupid, Olmert’s not a Palestinian,” she said emphatically. “He’s friends with that Reverend Wright.”
“You don’t say?” replied Mrs. Mintz. “It figures.”
Both Mr. Turgeman and Mr. Olmert are Jewish and neither has any association with Reverend Jeremiah Wright.
In Jerusalem, members of Mr. Olmert’s government braced themselves for the inevitable onslaught of criticism not just from Jewish senior citizens but from the Bush administration, which had actively opposed any contacts with Syria.
“We know we let down George Bush and John McCain,” said one high level Israeli government official, speaking off the record. “And we know they’re both going to make major speeches attacking us. And what about Fox News? They’re going to eviscerate us, every hour on the hour, 24/7. But what can we do? We’re just weak.”
The official expressed confidence that Jews would eventually come around to supporting Israel, but for the time being, Mrs. Blumenstein and her friends were having none of it.
“And that appeaser Lieberman, he goes to the same church as Farrakhan,” she insisted. When told that Louis Farrakhan, leader of the Nation of Islam, does not attend a church and that he has no ties with Senator Joseph Lieberman, who is Jewish, she was genuinely surprised.
“Really?” said Mrs. Blumenstein, who turned 115 during the writing of this report, “he doesn’t look Jewish.”

Eyes On The Prize

Bush, Seeking Peace in Mideast

Threatens War With Sweden

President Bush issued a called for peace, “somewhere, anywhere.”
Richieville News Service – JERUSALEM
With the clock ticking on his presidency and frustrated with the slow pace of Mideast peace negotiations, President George Bush today threatened to invade Sweden if he was not immediately awarded the Nobel Prize.
“I’m a peace maker,” he said, speaking to reporters here on the first leg of his five-day, three-country Middle East trip. “Peace makers make peace. That’s what they do. And then they get one of those noble prizes on account of how noble they been. Well, where’s my prize?”
Mr. Bush went on to say that he had already brought peace, democracy and freedom to Iraq. “That alone ought to get me a prize. I mean, Al Gore got one just for a stupid slide show. Plus, climate change wasn’t even real when he made that thing. It was just a lucky guess. I tell you, if the Supreme Court gave out these noble prizes, I’d have about six of ’em by now.”
The President expressed his displeasure with the fact that chances for a quick peace accord seem dim. “When I was here back in January, I told you people that there was going to be peace before I left office in 2009. Well, what about it? It just don’t seem like anyone has been doing anything to make that happen. Don’t you people have any consideration for me? Don’t you know I’m the President?”
Mr. Bush dismissed the recent fighting in Lebanon, the worst in decades, as inconsequential. “Birth pangs of democracy,” he said, in a folksy twang. “That’s what you get when you give birth. You get pangs. You give birth, then you get pangs. Birth – pangs. You see what I’m talking about?”
He then repeated his intention of launching a military attack on Sweden. “They got my prize and if they don’t send it over, well, we’re just going to have to go get it. And if those peaceniks try to resist, I say, ‘Bring it on.'” A reporter pointed out that an attack on Sweden might be futile since the Nobel Peace Prize is awarded in the neighboring country of Norway
“Sweden, Norway, Sunni, Shia – whatever,” the President shrugged. “As long as I get to bring that trophy back to my ranch.” He then concluded with an impassioned call for peace. “I gotta have peace somewhere, anywhere, and I only got seven more months to get it. You people better get your act together. That’s not asking too much, is it? All I am saying, is give me a chance!”